my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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