Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
