There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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