He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
