if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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