I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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