Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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