i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
