I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
