today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You left your underwear on the fireplace
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
