He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
