we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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