I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize