I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
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