I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
