I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
