Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I need a beard to bite.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize