dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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