chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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