I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
