I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
