There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize