At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
