I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
