If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
