Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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