if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize