I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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