Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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