After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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