I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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