so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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