the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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