Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
