If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
