you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
