Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
