I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
