Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
