If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize