you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
