farters have to be the big spoon...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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