It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
