I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
