I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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