Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
