Sry I called you an 8
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Girls should come with a carfax report
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
