So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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