Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize