I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
