Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
