I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize