I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
