I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
