i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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