bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
