Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
