Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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