I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
thus making me awesome and them whores
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
