I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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