I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
