Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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