I wannas sexs uuuuu
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
love makes seman taste better
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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