i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
