Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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