Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize