she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
