I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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