Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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