things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
