someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
