come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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