Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
