Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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