Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
