So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
how do flat chested girls get laid?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
