I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
