So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
