All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
