so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize