You're my little dorito
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
