I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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