He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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