we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
