dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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