After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
