she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
