So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
