so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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