fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
