We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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