I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
