yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I need a burrito and a hug.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I pour the whiskey from now on
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
