Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
