if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
