Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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