We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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