I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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