i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
